WRITERS' PROMPTS

Write the menu for the world’s worst fast food restaurant. Please pull up to the window for your total.

Write a list of things you want to do before you die or kill someone.

Write an acrostic poem where each first letter in every line ends up spelling “Stunning Handful”.

Write a parody song.

Write a new ending to The Social Network where everybody wins.

Write about what would have happened had Jack never traded his cow for magic beans.

Write detailed directions for best using a didgeridoo in self-defense.

Write an outline that story you’ve been putting off starting for a while. What a wacky prompt!

Write a treatise or treatsy concerning the differences between a treatise or treatsy.

Write a short story about password safety told entirely through passwords ranging between 6-22 characters (including special characters and punctuation).

Write one more “away message” for AOL Instant Messenger and then come downstairs for dinner, Katie. I will not ask you again.

Write dialogue between two lovers on a sinking boat. They should not be lovers by the time the boat is completely submerged.

Write some words.

Write a stand-up comedy routine that is funny, wholly inoffensive, and funny.

Write a news article about a babysitter who is eaten by the children.

Write about your personal experience dating a superhero who’s only super power is breaking up.

Write a reminder for something you keep forgetting.

Write your theory for extraterrestrials as a report for your government job. Also, you’re an alien.

Write a series of text messages between you and a celebrity who shares your birthday. The text messages can be solicited or otherwise.

Write a sermon for a religion that aims to make brunch a crime punishable by death. I’m giving you a lot to work with, today.

Write a story by rearranging all of the letters in a can of alphabet soup.

Write an assessment of your parents’ child-raising skills. Include your older brother, Tony, whom you’ve never met. Include a letter grade. Do it for Tony.

Write a post-apocalyptic thriller that takes place before you were born, doesn’t include time travel, and has a projected runtime of 93 minutes. Oh, and a projected budget of 93 dollars. Can’t forget the 93 dollars.

Write about a Klondike bar with a conscience – and what it would do for you.

Write about yourself. But keep it short and ask about me.

Write a significant portion of your income off as tax deductible. Or don’t.

Write new names for each month of the year. Try new names for the days of the week – or your significant other – too!

Write about a suprise party where the suprise is everybody got the wrong date for the party.

Write a note to place on somebody’s car that you hit – with your fists. Remember to mention insurance.

Write a personal ad. If your significant other finds it, tell them it was just a one time thing. It’s just a prompt, that’s all. Just a prompt.

Write a follow-up to any news article you can find but you have to include the phrase “smart as a fart”. Even if somebody died. Especially, in fact.

Write a ghost story where the ghosts are afraid of the human s.

Write an acceptance speech for an award you should have won but didn’t. You may already have this crumpled in a drawer, somewhere.

Write a character who is evil and has zero redeeming factors and wouldn’t even look good on a t-shirt.

Write a story where the first sentence is the same as the last sentence but the events of the story have dramatically changed the context.

Write a love letter to your favorite alphabetical letter.

Write an out-of-office email. If you don’t work in an office, this is why you need one.

Write a prescription for whatever your friggin problem is, okay?

Write a short scene about two people breaking up with each other at the same time but for different things. On an airplane. Do it on an airplane.

Write a chapter out of your favorite book from memory.

Write a message that will self destruct for a spy who will self destruct.

Write a grocery list for your favorite serial killer even if they ate people. Especially, even.

Write a prophecy that includes two of the following inanimate objects: Nickels, Florida, and my girlfriend. Remember, these objects are inanimate.

Write a sign that somebody will actually read.

Write a response to any video on Youtube and keep it to yourself like everybody else should.

Write a commercial for women’s granola bars, which are bars that only serve granola to women.

Write insipirational quotes for your blog as a Self-Made Genie Boss trapped in a magic lamp.

Write a writer’s prompt not involving food or somebody’s job.

Write new rules for The Game of Life that focus more on wandering the game board in your early 30’s filled with regret and a great credit score.

Write your final notice for working Disney’s Jungle Cruise. The notice will be delivered mid-tour.

Write a text message to your ex. You can choose to write this prompt less sober, later. Do not send the text message.

Write a choose-your-own-adventure story but don’t call it a choose-your-own-adventure story because you’ll get sued.

Write the penultimate chapter of your autobiography. Be sure to include the word “zoo” at least four time even if you don’t plan on visiting the zoo the second to last chapter of your life.

Write a data log of an alien who should have worn sunscreen when visiting Earth, but didn’t.

Write a ransom note but don’t kidnap anybody and make sure nobody ever sees the note. Actually, on second thought, don’t write a ransom note. Go outside. Drink some water. Keep your hands to yourself.

Write a post apocalyptic story about the last person on Earth who realizes somebody or something out there is still making episodes of The Simpsons.

Write a recipe for a dish that has all the ingredients of stromboli but definitely isn’t stromboli.

Write an article about the ongoing legal dispute between Five Guys and the June-only pop-up burger joint Five Gays.

Write a magazine profile for the hottest new celebutante in the ding dong ditching scene, Kim Doordashian.

Write a warning for anybody about to break your heart or into your house. It’s usually somebody you know, too. That’s my warning for you.

Write a children’s story about the naughty and single Miss Behave and her sister-in-law, the married and proper Mrs. Behave.

Write new lyrics to “American Pie”. Also, make it shorter. Please, make it shorter.

Write the continuing adventures of DJ Tiesto and his pet manatee, DJ Manatiesto.

Write a list of things your dog has done wrong. Or skip writing today, since dogs can’t do anything wrong.

Write a scene where the pig and the sheep first meet in the new barnyard rom-com “10 Things I Hate About Ewe”.

Write a warning for an employee whom you’re sure is eating all of the office supplies, but the only evidence is on their hips.

Write something your parents would enjoy. Ha!

Write a series of increasingly outlandish hand soap names for a business that rhymes with “Ath & Body Works”.

Write 10 new Commandments. You are God now.

Write instructions for mending a broken heart. Count how many times you used the word “chocolate”.

Write a series of passive aggressive sticky notes and place them around your home. If you don’t have a home you can skip writing today.

Write directions for cooking your favorite meal but replace all of the ingredients with office supplies.

Write a story told entirely through fortune cookies.

Write a definition for a word in the dictionary that you don’t know. If you can’t find a word you don’t understand, you’re a know-it-all and I hate you.

Write the foreword for a book about farts, titled “Sorry’s Not Enough”.

Write out a list of work references and ask yourself why you aren’t surrounded by successful people like that all the time, Bill.

Write the closed captioning for an episode of television. Leave the volume muted during transcription.

Write a missed connection for somebody who cut you off on the freeway. It’s… it’s complicated.

Write an obituary for a person who jumped in a pile of latkes.

Write a horoscope. Use a thesaurus to replace all the words you have written. Do this for ten more horoscopes and you’re good for monetization.

Write a detention slip for a kid you suspect isn’t a kid, but is actually a 40 year old man. You can’t prove it but you’re right about this one.

Write a math problem involving babies and stolen candy or candy and stolen babies.

Write a short story about Thursdays being illegal. And you’re guilty.

Write an article about the ongoing legal litigation between Starbucks and the first coffee shop in outer space – also named Starbucks.

Write an autopsy report in which the discovery of a third major American political party is made in the deceased’s colon.

Write a new book of the Bible where Jesus Christ comes back to the DMV and dies for everybody’s renewal fees .

Write a speech for Abraham Lincoln if he survived his assassination attempt and John Wilkes Booth didn’t.

Write a birthday card for somebody who you hope doesn’t invite you to anymore birthdays.

Write a testimonial for a product called “Turkey Milk”. Keep in mind, there’s more money in it for you if you don’t mention the taste or texture. Or color.

Write a letter to an institutional learning facility that was recently renamed after you. Urge them to reconsider that decision.

Write an eviction notice for a tenant who never missed a rent payment, never paid late, and never did anything wrong, ever.

Write an apology. You know why, Carol.

Write a list of rules for anybody coming over and using your pool. If you don’t have a pool then there are no rules.

Write your very own theme song. Consider whether you’re a comedy, a drama, or soon-to-be canceled on Netflix.

Write a review for a coffee shop that wrote “Todd” on your cup but your name isn’t Todd. It doesn’t even rhyme with Todd.

And if your name is Todd? You got decaf.

Write a short story about the world’s longest story.

Write warning information for something not dangerous, like carrots or friendships.

Write a letter to your dog. If you don’t have a dog, write a letter to somebody else’s dog, but don’t mail it. Not again.

Write a new ending for a book that needed a better one. Fix the beginning, too.

Write a police report for an unspeakable crime committed on a pogo stick.