Write a math problem involving babies and stolen candy or candy and stolen babies.


Write a short story about Thursdays being illegal. And you’re guilty.


Write an article about the ongoing legal litigation between Starbucks and the first coffee shop in outer space – also named Starbucks.


Write an autopsy report in which the discovery of a third major American political party is made in the deceased’s colon.


Write a new book of the Bible where Jesus Christ comes back to the DMV and dies for everybody’s renewal fees .


Write a speech for Abraham Lincoln if he survived his assassination attempt and John Wilkes Booth didn’t.


Write a testimonial for a product called “Turkey Milk”. Keep in mind, there’s more money in it for you if you don’t mention the taste or texture. Or color.


Write a letter to an institutional learning facility that was recently renamed after you. Urge them to reconsider that decision.


Write an eviction notice for a tenant who never missed a rent payment, never paid late, and never did anything wrong, ever.


Write a list of rules for anybody coming over and using your pool. If you don’t have a pool then there are no rules.


Write your very own theme song. Consider whether you’re a comedy, a drama, or soon-to-be canceled on Netflix.


Write a review for a coffee shop that wrote “Todd” on your cup but your name isn’t Todd. It doesn’t even rhyme with Todd.

And if your name is Todd? You got decaf.


Write a letter to your dog. If you don’t have a dog, write a letter to somebody else’s dog, but don’t mail it. Not again.


Write a review for a musical called “It’s Not You, It’s Us”. You got the tickets for free, but you had to pay for parking. It was a long walk to the theatre.


Write an article concerning Emily Blunt and her ongoing legal battle with a marijuana dispensary doing business as “Emily’s Blunts”.


Write about ants. Ants are the worst. Never mind, don’t write about ants. Skip writing today.


Write about a honeymoon on the moon that ends in a divorce. Nobody can say “I need some space.”


Write what your last meal would be if you were on death row. And think about what you’ve done.


Write about a person who goes to the hospital because of Flaming Hot Cheetos, but not because of eating Flaming Hot Cheetos.


Write about a man who hears Mexican radio all the time. It’s like Tinnitus, but with Mexican radio. All the time.


Write about a bad date you’ve been on. If you’ve never been on a bad date, you’re a bad date.


Write about seeing your grandpa at Sonic – he’s working the drive-thru. And he’s been dead for ten years.


Write about a baseball player who doesn’t like playing baseball, but he’s in the World Series tonight.


Write about the most recent imposter you have met. If you haven’t met an imposter, you’re the imposter.


Write about being accused of cheating on a tv game show when you are, in fact, cheating.